Everyone seems to think once you become a mom, or parent, that you become the child’s slave. You no longer exist outside of your motherhood and many women especially start to lose their identity altogether. Sure motherhood is no walk in the park, but there’s no reason to be a martyr. So you want to be the best mom you can be for your children, I get it, but making yourself a priority as well and taking time to be with your spouse, is not selfish. It’s vital. Vital for the life of your family, your children and well you! Your children love and need you, but if you’re depleted, drained and depressed, nobody is going to thrive. Let’s discuss some ways we can be a mom and thrive in life too.

1. Prioritize your health and happiness.
   No this is not some cardinal sin! You are still a person who deserves to enjoy life too. End of story. Don’t let others tell you who you are supposed to be. You need a spa day? Go! You went to the gym daily before kids? Get back to it! Not only will you be a better mom because you took care of yourself, you’re also teaching your little ones the importance of self care.
   

1. Don’t stop dating your spouse.
   Yes I know the little people put a crimp on the romance, but that doesn’t have to be bygone. Healthy kids need healthy parents. If your relationship is starting to suffer from the lack of time together you need to work on that. It’s not selfish, again kids need a stable, loving home. Wonder why 50% of marriages end in divorce? One reason is the lack of time together once kids come into the picture. Divorce wrecks havoc on kids emotional stability. I know, my kids went through it. One way to derail that train wreck is to consistently make time for each other after kids.
   
2. Make use of preschool, daycare or school hours.
   A great way to get some guilt free “me” time is to make use of the hours your kids are spending in school. If you don’t work everyday take a school days time to do what you want. Connect over coffee with an old friend. Curl up on the couch with a good read. Take a beach day with your friends or spouse, or by yourself! Go for a long bike ride and just listen to music. Little ones aren’t yet school age? Enlist a trusted babysitter or daycare. Don’t feel guilty, you’re not a bad mom for needing a day downtown. Sip that glass of champagne slowly and feel the sun on your face. You are a great mom. You earned a day or half day off.
   
3. Include your little one in your adventure. Sometimes it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. You like taking long walks? Your baby would probably find a stroll very soothing. You like sitting on the beach? Bring an umbrella for your youngster or if they’re an older child let them play in the sand. Sure you’ll have to keep an eye on them, but you can still enjoy some rest and relaxation even with your mini you in tow.
   
4. Don’t ever compare yourself to other moms.
   You’re doing the best you can and your children will love you. No child wants to see their mom sick and depressed taking care of them. Just because Jane Doe never takes a day off doesn’t give her the right to judge you. In fact she’s harming herself and her child with this mindset. You do you. At the end of the day none of their voices matter. Live and love your family.
   
   A little of my story.
   I was 24 when I had my first baby. She’s a teenager now and I have two other children. (I’m aging myself lol) When Ami was born everyone had an opinion on how I should raise her and constantly told me my life was over now, it’s all about the baby. Needless to say my postpartum depression led to actual depression. Any time I did take self care I was met with harsh criticism and gilt by those around me. Eventually this turned into internal criticism for me. My ex husband and I took turns watching her and then her sister. We stopped spending time together altogether. Although we had other family to watch the babies it was never without letting me know how “going to the gym” or my day with my girlfriends was selfish and “you’re a mom now, the kids come first…” I ended up not caring about myself much and gained a ton of weight. My energy, health and self esteem plummeted. Does this sound like you? If so it’s not too late to lose the negative thoughts and start taking small guilt free steps to getting yourself back. Yes you CAN be a great mom and enjoy motherhood too!
   
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